Week 23 – My Divorce Code

Week 23: February 26 2012

Last week I was hit with the reality of those two things I had been avoiding – getting back to work to earn a living – and negotiating our financial property settlement.

In order to calm myself down, this week I wrote myself a divorce code. A blueprint to follow. While most points were regarding emotional aspects I had been pondering for several months now, the last three were cementing on paper what I felt would drive me through the practical financial realities of this divorce. These were aspects I had to work on. Somehow I was going to have to shake off this mourning, soul-searching side of me; and find once more the logic, mathematical-thinking, you-can-do-it-I-know-you-can, part of my brain that did exist up until 5 months ago when mush decided to take its place.

Here is my code.

1. My marriage was not a failure. I am not a failure

2. I am responsible for my own choices and in charge of my own thoughts

3. I am in charge of my own life and I do not need someone to fix me

4. I am grateful for my life and look forward to what being single has to bring.

5. I am not responsible for other people’s choices, actions or behaviour.

6. I hold as one of my core beliefs to be respectful and mindful of others. I am determined that divorce will not change that.

7. I love my children more than life itself and I will do my utmost to ensure that this divorce will not see them suffer. I have a hope that the children will find peace  within themselves and, if not, that they know that they may turn to me for I am here for them always.

8. I would like to be given enough respect, space and time to heal. If it is not given to me, I will ask for it.

9. I will continue to behave in a cordial fashion with my husband throughout the divorce process.

10. I would like to feel satisfied that our divorce settlement is fair and reasonable for both of us.

11. I will aim with my husband for an amicable negotiated financial settlement out of the courts.

12. I will seek accounting, legal and financial planning advice and ensure that I have a clear ‘head-space’ before agreeing to the final settlement.