Week 31 – Milestones 20 April 2012
This separation is difficult for us all as a family at times like this – the milestones of life – weddings or a child’s graduation. Events that were previoulsy shared – and now have to be shared separately albeit together. It is especially tough for the children wanting to recapture those happy family times and at the same time doing the right thing by each of us and our feelings at the moment – where there is still hurt and pain.
In December it had been my daughter’s graduation – my last child flying the coupe. It was a happy occasion and yet tinged with the sadness of the separation and seeing other people there – her friends she had been with her whole life – and they with their “happy families” still intact. But it was her day and I was so happy and so proud of her.
This week it was the wedding of our god-daughter. She is the daughter of my husbands best friend from school and our families had remained close all our married days. My daughter was her bridesmaid. It was on the whole a happy day. I nearly lost it in the church with now all the words of the ceremony taking on such a differnt meaning (for better or worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health). However, as they were spoken I thought them through and thought to myself, that I did not break those vows and of that I should be proud. I still held onto my own values, I was still the captain of my soul, I am still able to hold my head up high.
After the wedding ceremony, the children rallied round me and we had lots of hugs and some photos together. Then I was determined to enjoy myself and have a great time for myself, for my children, for my god-daughter and for her parents.
And so I relaxed for the evening wedding reception and then later danced and danced into the night.
I find it amazing—how vows mean such different things to different people.
My husband filed for divorce. Our marriage was “wholly dissolved” while I was in the dentist’s office getting my teeth cleaned.
We were divorced over a year when he had his heart attack. I was the one who held his hand all night in the hospital. I was the one who took care of him while he recuperated. Why? I love him and they were MY vows.
As I deal with the lump in my breast, his breaking his vow to me gets him out of dealing with the “in sickness..” when it applies to me.
Who would I rather be in these situations? Me. I would rather be the person with integrity than the person looking for the easy way out.
Next time I hear the I do’s at a wedding, I will join your celebration of those who keep their vows!
Good for you. We do not have to sink down to others level and we can feel proud of staying to our true self. I am sorry about the ‘in sickness’ part and hope that things work out for you. I do know what you mean, I really do.
At a workshop I went to recently the speaker spoke of ‘stress’ being the gap between ‘expectations’ and the ‘capacity’ to deliver. So it is my fault again. I should not expect so much (love, trust, care, respect, fidelity), then I will not be so disappointed.
I don’t think you are wrong. I think the cynical speaker is. I think it’s a matter of having our eyes open now. To really SEE who deserves our great qualities.