My attitudes # 7 One step at a time

It Couldn’t Be Done
Edgar Guest

Somebody said That it couldn’t be done,
But she with a chuckle replied,
That maybe it couldn’t, but she would be one,
Who wouldn’t say so ’til she tried,
So she buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On her face. If she worried she hid it.
She started to sing as she tackled the thing,
That couldn’t be done and she did it.

In my last post, I explained my way of doing things was by careful researching, planning and prioritising. I also explained that before I can start, I needed to completely ‘let go’ of the emotional upheaval of the divorce, then I could do things my way – step by step.

Aah, the joys of divorce! There is not simply “one” thing to let go of. I thought that I would list them and then see how far I had come at ‘letting go’. I could tackle the rest step by step.

I have let go of these:

  1. Seeing myself as a victim of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection.
  2. Mourning the loss of a significant other to share past memories with.
  3. Pining for an intact ‘nuclear family’ unit
  4. Desiring to be “fixed” perfectly before I can move on.
  5. The illusion of Plan ‘A’ of the happy-ever-after of shared future dreams; and secure financial future.
  6. The desire to go immediately from Plan ‘A’ to Plan ‘Me’

As for the remaining things that still confront me; although I cannot ‘let go’ of them (as they have to be dealt with), I can let go of the anxiety and apprehension surrounding them. Then by drawing on inner optimism and courage (and just a hint of cynicism); being a strong-minded, almost-confident, soon-to-be divorcee; instead of seeing these obstacles as hindrances in my way, I will treat them as ‘challenges’ to master. Here is my list of ‘challenges’:

  1. Embracing life alone of domestic chores, home maintenance, keeping healthy fit and active, keeping sane; and finding some tranquility by enjoying the wonders of today.
  2. Accepting a transitional Plan ‘B’ of dealing with the aftermath of the property settlement, restructuring, consolidating debt; and managing the business through the remains of the global financial crisis to a point of stability; knowing that even though the chance of medium-term financial security was swept away from me in the tsunami of the separation, I was able to choose between financial distress or financial mess, so that I chose the latter because it is filling my days with wonder and awe and if I did not have that I would probably still be sitting in a heap wondering what to do with my days.
  3. Taking time to truly ponder and map out Plan ‘C’ of the journey to the real ‘me’  – a confident, self-assured, happy, relaxed, community-minded mother and activist grandmother, undertaking some meaningful and fulfilling project, without a care in the world, and with no worries for the future physically, financially, emotionally or spiritually .
  4. Creating new happy memories.
  5. Having fun.

Now to begin on that first step…….



(My apologies to the author of the poem for my change from he to she).


26 thoughts on “My attitudes # 7 One step at a time

    • Yes, I am starting to see that. sometimes, it has been hard when feeling low. It takes considerable effort to break out of that pattern and have moments of simply ‘living’ for the sake of just having a great time.

  1. Hi Elizabeth. I love this post! And I love your acknowledgement of needing to approach this first at a Plan Me/B level that gets you to a place of “I’m okay!” and then to Plan C where you soar as the person you were born to be. The essential journey that I speak of follows this model of becoming aware of who we learned to be, understanding the strengths and limitations that come from this adapted persona and then truly understanding and living the gifts we were given.

    • Thanks SO much for your supportive comment. Yes, I had been stuck in a ‘I have been thrown into this situation without choice’ place. Thinking of it instead as a transitional stage has been a turnaround in my attitude and helped enormously.
      Plan ‘C’ is my real journey, and I am now content that it may take me some time to get to “understanding the strengths and limitations that come from this adapted persona and then truly understanding and living the gifts we were given”. I determined to get their and to enjoy the journey.

  2. One can hear the strength and resilience in your voice, Elizabeth–you may not know it yet, but you’ve passed the “tipping point” on your path to recovery. There will still be bumps along the road, I’m sure, but you can handle it–you’ve clearly found your voice. You go girl!

    • Thanks for your encouragement. Yes, the loss of choice and loss of purpose has been hard to deal with and being able to ‘choose’ plan B onwards to Plan C has been a turnaround in my thinking. It is taking back control of my life’s journey.
      Thanks for stopping by. I really appreciate it.

  3. It definitely is one step at a time, and in time, those steps become less challenging. Everything you so eloquently shared resonated with me, and just know that you do not walk alone. Keep going forward!

    • Thanks for your encouragement. It is a great comfort to me to know that there are others out there who are sharing my journey and encouraging me along the way, as I share with theirs. Thanks so much for stopping by. I really do appreciate it.

      • Elizabeth, you are more than welcome, and I, too, appreciate knowing I am not alone. You have been so kind, and that means a lot. We are going in the right direction!

  4. Ah, that pining for the nuclear unit – yes indeed.

    I like what you’ve let go of. I divorced 17 years ago. Haven’t married again, and am just discovering my life!! Wow….

    Another great post. Love this.

    • Ah yes, the discovery of self. It is an interesting journey, isn’t it? I am 59 years old, and it is amazing what I have learned about myself in the last year.

      Thanks again for stopping by.

  5. Pingback: The next step … | Spring into Summer

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