My attitudes # 7 One step at a time

It Couldn’t Be Done
Edgar Guest

Somebody said That it couldn’t be done,
But she with a chuckle replied,
That maybe it couldn’t, but she would be one,
Who wouldn’t say so ’til she tried,
So she buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On her face. If she worried she hid it.
She started to sing as she tackled the thing,
That couldn’t be done and she did it.

In my last post, I explained my way of doing things was by careful researching, planning and prioritising. I also explained that before I can start, I needed to completely ‘let go’ of the emotional upheaval of the divorce, then I could do things my way – step by step.

Aah, the joys of divorce! There is not simply “one” thing to let go of. I thought that I would list them and then see how far I had come at ‘letting go’. I could tackle the rest step by step.

I have let go of these:

1. Seeing myself as a victim of abandonment, betrayal, and rejection.
2. Mourning the loss of a significant other to share past memories with.
3. Pining for an intact ‘nuclear family’ unit
4. Desiring to be “fixed” perfectly before I can move on.
5. The illusion of Plan ‘A’ of the happy-ever-after of shared future dreams; and secure financial future.
6. The desire to go immediately from Plan ‘A’ to Plan ‘Me’

As for the remaining things that still confront me; although I cannot ‘let go’ of them (as they have to be dealt with), I can let go of the anxiety and apprehension surrounding them. Then by drawing on inner optimism and courage (and just a hint of cynicism); being a strong-minded, almost-confident, soon-to-be divorcee; instead of seeing these obstacles as hindrances in my way, I will treat them as ‘challenges’ to master. Here is my list of ‘challenges’:

1. Embracing life alone of domestic chores, home maintenance, keeping healthy fit and active, keeping sane; and finding some tranquility by enjoying the wonders of today.
2. Accepting a transitional Plan ‘B’ of dealing with the aftermath of the property settlement, restructuring, consolidating debt; and managing the business through the remains of the global financial crisis to a point of stability; knowing that even though the chance of medium-term financial security was swept away from me in the tsunami of the separation, I was able to choose between financial distress or financial mess, so that I chose the latter because it is filling my days with wonder and awe and if I did not have that I would probably still be sitting in a heap wondering what to do with my days.
3. Taking time to truly ponder and map out Plan ‘C’ of the journey to the real ‘me’  – a confident, self-assured, happy, relaxed, community-minded mother and activist grandmother, undertaking some meaningful and fulfilling project, without a care in the world, and with no worries for the future physically, financially, emotionally or spiritually .
4. Creating new happy memories.
5. Having fun.

Now to begin on that first step…….

 

 

(My apologies to the author of the poem for my change from he to she).