After my joyous birthday celebrations and pronounced optimism for my future, I had been dragged down again. Having to deal with the practicalities of the property settlement made me feel lonely and resentful. Lonely because I am alone in this process. Resentful because my glorious vision for my future was seemingly put on hold. I wanted to move to my future and I was stuck dealing with the past. I wanted to be done with the past.
Then during the week someone said to me, ‘what would it do for you, if you could re-frame what you are doing as a step towards your future?’
A somewhat obvious, yet not so obvious solution.
The less obvious part was accepting that I could not go directly from my old life to my new life. There is a ‘transformation’ phase in the middle. This is the phase of letting go of my old life in preparation for the new; and at the same time exploring options for the future before I actually begin. However, it is still moving forward. It still holds the steps towards my future. I am indeed in this middle phase of transformation. I am not yet in my future.
Having accepted I am in a phase of transformation, the obvious solution to my distress was to then put those activities required for the property settlement into that phase with me. Thinking of those processes as part of my transformational phase (rather than a limbo state, or back in the past) has been a crucial step for me this past week. The processes have now become crucial and important steps towards my future.
Suddenly the weight on my shoulders has lifted, replaced by a sense of urgency and focus. Instead of resenting having to do them, I am ploughing through the processes from a drawn-up checklist and ticking the boxes as I go. I have discarded feelings of isolation and resentment. I have re-affirmed my code for this divorce process which included that I would at all times act with grace and dignity. Grace being respectful of others. Dignity being a command of respect for myself.
- I am more accepting of this transformational as a phase and I am in it.
- I have now stopped asking myself ‘are you there yet?’
- I have moved forward by completing several small steps in “the process”.
- I have written down an action plan for getting through the rest.
- The action plan includes an air of goodwill and respect for all concerned.
- I have achieved something; something for me, something for my future.
- I have remained true to my values.
- I feel good about myself.
ooh thank you! i really needed that! i lean towards seeing it as a ‘cutting off’… which kinda leaves me with that feeling of loss, then grief… all over again… im trying to see things in a better way, and that really helped. thanks again 😀
I am glad that it gave you some light.
Best wishes 🙂
Hi Elisabath… Happy Birthday Week… there is always something to celebrate if we look hard enough… and so glad that you found a way to make peace with your past before jumping into the future… I have also had a few tugs from my past… saying…. take a look at these things that need putting to rest… Take care, Barbara x
Thanks Barbara. Yes, yes… put those things to rest. i must remember that and keep closing those doors so that I can them march on. Thanks again. 🙂
I think of the phoenix. Something has to die for the rest to be reborn.
So correct, trouble is the dying bit is quite painful (and not quite over yet). .. waiting patiently for that re-birth.
Thanks for stopping by and sending words of encouragement. 🙂
As always, you show you are a classy woman with great command of respect. I am in jealous awe of your composure and ability to be so positive and forward thinking. Kudos and well wishes for your continued progressive successes…minor or major.
She is and she does, I so agree with you Making Sense!
Thanks SO much for this positive affirmation. I am in gratitude to both of you 🙂
Thanks for your positive encouragement. I really appreciate it. best wishes 🙂
The hairs on my arms stood right up reading this! I am so happy for you and am cheering you on from the sidelines! Was it Ian who reframed this process for you? Just wondering, it sounds like him. 🙂
I am so glad this made you happy 🙂 xo
Yes, to your question.
Love this! I have tried to see it all as a new beginning. You’re in the steppingstone phase. Not quite to the new side of the river, but close ! Keep those good thoughts close. They’re like rocket fuel:)
Yay! That gives me something to hang onto. So close… I just need to keep thinking that. Thanks 🙂
I love the reframe — and the fact that you are moving through transformation — and the burden has lifted.
Amazing isn’t it how simply changing our glasses, reframing our perspective, or even just one word can shift everything. And when we shift, everything shifts.
Wooo Hooo! YOu rock! And you inspire me to keep smiling. 🙂
Yes it is amazing how looking at things differently can make a huge difference.
You make me smile too 🙂
How wonderful you are – bravo!
And you too 🙂
Hi Elizabeth. This is my first time here … thanks to Diana 🙂 … and I am so grateful to be with you as you move into your new future. If you want to explore more ….This place you are in, according to author William Bridges is called transition. Where one foot is still in the past and the other is stepping into the future. Its a place where we can easily get off balance until both feet move forward together. You are right where you are meant to be and are doing it with such grace. Cudos from a fellow “long term marriage now in the past and I am having a great new life” woman. Val x
Thanks for your positive encouragement.
I have looked up William Bridges and his concept of transitions and this has been tremendous help in my understanding of where I am at. It is great for the affirmation in that concept that I am indeed moving through to a better place. Thanks so much for that contact.
I am glad that you are in that ‘having a great life’ place. I have checked out your blog now and I think it is fantastic. you are inspirational.
The most courageous acts are often the simplest ones. Well done and well said. 🙂
I agree and thanks. 🙂
Your post reminds me of my own transformation through and after my divorce. Painful at times, but necessary in the move forward. Well done!
It is great to have feedback from my ‘been-there-done-that’ friends, to know that i am on the right path forward.
You are lucky to have Ian helping put a more positive spin on your plight! I also think you are blessed with family and friends who adore you! You have come up with a great plan of action and the limbo transforms into your process very well! I am so proud of the “you” that you continue to grow and become!
It can be frustrating in this ‘limbo’ world and it is better to put some positive spin on it. Thanks for your kind words of support.
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