“The pen is mightier than the sword”
unless your opponent happens to be the one carrying the sword.
A feeling that keeps resurfacing for me is intense fear. Looking underneath my fears I now recognise my unmet needs for emotional safety.
What does emotional safety mean to me?
Feeling safe means the absence of thinking that whatever I love and treasure could be taken away from me in a single moment.
Feeling safe means being assured that whatever happens to me I will survive.
Feeling safe means feeling wanted, loved, accepted, supported, secure and waking up in the morning knowing I deserve happiness.
Feeling safe means being able to act authentically by not having to behave in a way that is not myself in order to avoid emotional dramas or criticism of another person which only makes others see me in a light which is not truly me; and thereby makes me feel guilty for violating my own values and self-respect.
Feeling safe is to be free of terrifying thoughts of fear and hopelessness which in turn causes me to become defensive, withdrawn and irritable.
Feeling safe is to be free of my misguided belief that I must suffer in silence.
Feeling safe means regaining my self-respect and self-confidence.
How will I provide for my own emotional safety?
I will keep myself in good physical fitness by following a healthy diet, exercising, sleeping well and relaxing daily. I will modify my workload by following a manageable routine. I know that being stronger physically will assist in strengthening my emotional safety.
When I become fearful I will create a ‘safe place’ to retreat to, whether that is my home, a place in nature, or being in the safety of the present moment. In that place I will look inside for my caring adult persona to cradle and nurture my frightened inner child and reassure her that I am safe. I will practice unconditional love to myself. Unlike before when I would fight, avoid or numb my feelings of sadness, loneliness or despair; in my safe place I will now feel free to express my feelings and accept them as real. Expressing my feelings when they come lessens their intensity and control over me. Moreover feeling them and reading my unmet needs underneath will enable me to address those needs.
I will assure myself that even though I cannot control situations, I can always control my response, as I have done in the past. I can find a solution to any challenge that comes my way. I can take pride knowing that I am capable of landing on my feet and making my life a beautiful life, one step at a time. I can stop worrying about things that may happen as I know I will cope if they do.
From my own safe place, I have and will branch out and connect with others. I will spend time with people who love me, make me feel good about myself, have my best interests at heart and allow me to act as my authentic me. I will nurture relationships with people who show unconditional acceptance of who I am with no judgement or criticism and with whom I am able to communicate honestly, express my true feelings and not feel ashamed. I will feel emotionally safe with them.
I will develop relationships with people who I am able to trust and where I am able to trust their own feelings and emotions for me as genuine and real. I will trust that I will not provoke emotional drama just by being me when I am with them or by asserting my own thoughts, opinions and feelings. I will reduce or terminate contact with anyone who intentionally belittles me or is disloyal to me.
I will develop compassionate witnessing for others in their plights and time of need.
I will begin to do spontaneous things out of my safe place as I know that I will survive.
I will build up my foundations of safety to drive off my fears.
This is so powerful Elizabeth. Fear loses its power over us when our mind quietens and we connect to our inner being. Great work and commitments for this chapter of your life.
I believe that to be true. Thank you for your reminder to me that this chapter will take commitment and hard work. I acknowledge that and thank you for your support.
Elizabeth, I’ve been learning to do this as well! When I’m anxious I have been quieting myself and looking beneath those feelings; essentially talking myself off a ledge of my own making. I like the idea of a physical safe place – I will need to create one for myself!
It is empowering to look below the feelings at the underlying needs because then we have something we can act upon (even if ever so slowly).
Yes and sometimes it even reveals that there is nothing to be anxious about at all. 🙂
I forgot about that one! 🙂
Yay, for the times when there really is nothing to worry about ! 🙂
haha I’m with you on that one Elizabeth!
I have been trying to take your advice for my own problem: anxiety. Sometimes I seem to be making headway, other times, not so much. Ah well.
I am so pleased that it sometimes works. I have found it something that needs working on all the time and is gradually getting easier.
I particularly like the ideas of feeling safe by being healthy and having a safe retreat to go to! Great ideas for us all to feel safe. Making it a priority to keep on living happily and safely! Robin
If I start from a place of comfort I feel that I can achieve and also help others. It is a great place to start.