As indicated in my last post, I decided to stop for a while. The problem is when you are trudging through mud and you decide to stop for a while, because you are in mud, you start sinking again. So while the concept of allowing myself time to have a rest seemed to be a good idea at the time, the reality was doomed to failure.
Doomed to failure because it gave me time to think and face some realities which distressed me.
Doomed to failure because of how I was defining success and failure.
I read a post this morning from Val with a quote that is self-explanatory and which opened my eyes.
“If you build a house it takes a few days, a few weeks or a few years. And everyone can see the result. But when we create something in the spiritual realm neither you nor anyone else can see anything. So nothing is certain. Nothing is clear. And you become unsettled, uncertain and assailed by doubts. And that is why after a while you want to abandon everything and do what everyone else does: Throw yourself into an activity where everyone can see a result.” Omraan Mikhael Aivanhov
The quote got me thinking. This ‘trudging through mud’ (AKA ‘dealing with the divorce settlement’) appeared to be getting me nowhere and was taking a lot of effort for no reward.
That is because I was looking at ‘reward’ as how our modern society judges rewards – in terms of success, fame, fortune, or glorious materialistic or creative achievement.
So today I have taken my thinking right back to very early after separation when I made a resolution to myself. I resolved that I would not let this transition period of my life destroy who I was inside of me or crush the values that I wanted to live by. I made an aim that day to reaffirm those values and strive to live by them. That was my goal.
My reward today, still within this ‘transition period’, is to know that I am still on that path and still successfully striving towards that goal. At the end of the day, if that is my greatest achievement, that is a worthwhile one to have.
“The goal we seek, and the good we hope for, comes not as some final reward but as the hidden companion to our quest. It is not what we find, but the reason we cannot stop looking and striving, that tells us why we are here.”
― Madeleine Albright, Prague Winter
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Spring into Summer 
Keep trudging, and know I will stop and trudge along side you always, Elizabeth!
That fills me with great comfort, knowing that you are with me always. thanks
The feeling is mutual, and we are in this together!
I read that post as well Elizabeth. I love the interconnectedness of this online community and am, as always, inspired by your journey. ❤
Diana xo
I DO so love this blogging community and when I see the same faces pop up on others posts that comment on my blog, I think of them being in the same ‘circle’ of friends as me, like a group of school buddies.
Yes, it’s so true!
Sometimes the mud seems so interminably present that we feel our feet losing their sense of purpose – to get out from the mire. At those times, it’s good that our eyes remain focused forward, for they’ll lead you out. I’ve been there, not that I think there’s much comfort in sharing that, but I can feel the pull of the muck. You are going to get through this Elizabeth – perhaps with a need for new shoes, but a spirit and heart intact and a view that is sylvan.
I like that perspective, that the purpose of the trudging (albeit temporary) is to get out of the mire.
And I look forward to the new shoes when it is all done. thanks.
Well the new shoes are a given!! 😉
So glad you reconnected with your inner guide and what’s most important to you Elizabeth. You are an inspiration … mud and all 🙂
Remember it will wash off!
Thank you for the share.
Val xo
Ah! That is a relief (that the mud will wash off). Thanks for that perspective.
When you go through a fire, metaphorically, like divorce–sooo much of society won’t get it. And soooo much of your progress will be private and silent. It is still there. Still worthy of you celebrating–getting through one more day, paying one more bill, whatever. Wishing this for you.
I sometimes feel in the writing of posts, that I cannot fall backwards and yet in real life, so often I do. So I try to think of just one small positive step forward and sometimes it is SO hard to think of that one small thing. But you are right, those small (mostly private) steps are there. Thanks so much for your understanding.
So often, we really don’t know where we are going until we get there, and even then we sometimes don’t realise we were there until we look back!
I could not agree more. Thanks for that insight and thanks also staying there with me getting through this messy part. I really appreciate it.
This is a powerful reminder to us all, especially ones who may be miring in the muck, just about now! I am someone who dwells on my mistakes, internally, I externally, show a ‘brave face’ and keep on going. I have dealt with a lot of loss, material ones, but still I miss my house, I miss my life, and now, sometimes I need to try to turn towards the fact I have many blessings, my coworkers at the warehouse aren’t my teacher friends, but they are very supportive, we feel like a ‘team.’ I guess we all need to keep going, which this was a good post, not to stop and linger, or dwell on the ‘what might have been’s.’
I always try to see something positive. some days it is SO difficult and that is why in this post, I went RIGHT back and then (and only then) I realized how far I had come. I am so sorry for the losses that you have had and that you still feel at times. However, you come across as bright and cheery and so I think that you are making the most of things and having a wonderful life. thank you for your friendship. I really appreciate it.
“If you build a house it takes a few days, a few weeks or a few years. And everyone can see the result. But when we create something in the spiritual realm neither you nor anyone else can see anything. So nothing is certain. Nothing is clear. And you become unsettled, uncertain and assailed by doubts. And that is why after a while you want to abandon everything and do what everyone else does: Throw yourself into an activity where everyone can see a result.” Omraan Mikhael Aivanhov I love these words… and so glad it brought you some peace. You have journeyed so far back to your freedom… truly going beyond (the mind and physical reality)… what is accepted by others… will ultimately bring you true freedom. We don’t know what is beyond and therefore has no end, no result… we trust that our heart desire, the best for the highest good, will come into our physical reality at the most perfect time… and in the meantime we enjoy each day with ALL THAT IS… Thanks for sharing Elisabeth, you remain an inspiration to us all here on wordpress and beyond. Barbara x
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I really appreciate what you said and it means a lot to me to have you say it. You inspire me. Thanks.