Since my marriage collapse, my home has been my sanctuary, a bedrock of certainty; providing me with strength, stability and comfort. I have written about my need for stability and the comfort my home provides here, here, here, here, here and here.
Some time ago I wrote that I was now ready to move and make a new life somewhere else. It is interesting that since I made that decision, my home no longer feels like home to me. In part, this growing negative feeling has been been due to the sorting of the business documents which was a mammoth task and quite distressing at times – with painful memories and negative feelings surfacing as I reviewed records and documents. Then Christmas came and went. It was wonderful to have all the family home. I was back in my element with my home and family my comfort. But now, with everyone else back in their own life, my mood has changed again and the desire to move is very strong.
Over the past three weeks I have been away, spending two weeks with my siblings sorting through my mother’s things and a week with my grand-children. As I drove home, I started to become anxious and, once inside, instead of the usual comforting ‘home at last’ feeling that I would normally get, I felt suddenly and dramatically quite down. There are a few factors at play here.
Firstly, having had three weeks with other family members, the aloneness hit me hard.
Secondly, while sorting through things of my mother (who was a hoarder) I had thoughts that I should have a proper sort through of all my own things before I move. With that thought in mind, when I returned home and looked around at what that would entail, I became overwhelmed at yet another mammoth ‘sorting’ project ahead of me. I knew that if I sorted to my own ‘must do everything meticulously’ standards, I would be here forever.
Thirdly, I have been craving quiet time. I wondered whether I would ever get to that place of peace and contentment.
Enough of all this negativity!
I am actually slowly moving forward and doing well at the moment. I am taking baby steps, baby steps across this bridge that I must traverse in order to get to my new life.
- I have organized a storage space for the business archives that need keeping for five years. I will be moving them out next week. That will be a load off my mind.
- I have put my house ‘unofficially’ on the market and will formalize this once the estate agent gets photos done etc.
- A friend of mine offered to help with some of the packing-my-house-up headache.
- In a few months, one of my sons and I are going on a bit of a road trip to Sydney.
- Mid-year, I will be spending more time with my siblings for the final sort of my mothers things.
- Later in the year, I am going to spend some time in Canada.
- I am getting excited about my new life around the corner and have been looking at houses and places I want to move to.
- I am feeling really fit and healthy and that is great!
Here I go!
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Image courtesy[suwatpo]:FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Spring into Summer 
Sounds like there will be lots of good times ahead :-).
Yes, there will be. Looking forward to it too.
I love your attitude!
And… I hope you let me know when you’re in Canada. I love visiting Vancouver — it’s where my eldest daughter lives — and I’ll definitely be there beginning to mid September as that’s when her wedding happens! 🙂
Yes, I will be in touch.
I’m with Louise all round!! I love the self-awareness and ability to go inside and sort out feelings! I also would like to get together when you are in Canada. Whether we make a trip to Vancouver or you choose to visit Calgary … let’s make it work!!
Yes, I will be in touch.
You will get there, Elizabeth. I love the way you are so in touch with your feelings. ❤
Thanks so much 🙂
Have a good trip. Selling the house will be a major event. They usually are. TheCcanada trip a great diversion and reward..
Yes, looking forward to the diversion and the move.
You are actually on your way, even on days when it may not feel like it, once you stop and truly look, you see that. Here’s to an adventurous year ahead
Yes, and as Captain of my ship, I should expect a few storms and high waves along the way 🙂
Thanks for your wishes.
I moved over a period of 3 months out of a special and beloved house. Each night after work, I packed my car with favorite items, taking them over to my new apartment. My son had a house so I asked him to choose a few things to take to his house. My daughter’s packed up their special memories. I posted a garage sale for 2 months before leaving my house we built from the ground up. I had my waitress friends where I worked my 2nd job as teaching I was working on my Master’s degree, come over and ask for things. I sold my basement family room furniture and many memorabilia from the years we had decorated it is an antique style. My apt has only one bedroom but almost every specisl item is present. If my one daughter’s wedding dress weren’t stored in one closet it would be perfect. The closets have only four tubs of seasonal decorations. I wish you well and hope you will find a cozy and happy place to live. I find my apt is a box or place to retreat, refresh and relish alone-time, and everything outside my box is the World. 🙂
Thanks for this lone reply. It meant a lot to me to know that you went through this too and how you were able to deal with it. That is inspirational. Thank you.
You have some lovely things and trips to look forward to. Tackle the difficult stuff in small chunks, even if sorting out is only one drawer at a time, it is still an achievement. Good luck.
Thanks. I am finding that one drawer at a time is a good technique. Slowly but surely it is all getting done. 🙂
When we are in transition, we have one foot in the old and another in the new. Its a place where its natural to feel off balance and uncertain. Your insight is spot on Elizabeth. Take it one step at a time knowing that you are moving towards this new chapter.
xo
Thanks. Excellent point.