When my marriage collapsed I was thrown into an emotional roller-coaster. At the same time I became overwhelmed with the practical, legal financial things that needed to be done due to the separation. In order to cope I went through a long laborious process of prioritizing everything I had to do, putting aside things I could leave until later and dropping out of my life anything non-essential. This was all so that I could focus on getting the marital settlement completed, which took nearly four years.
Some of those things put aside were very big things such as selling the business and selling the business premises, which then had to be prioritized once the marital settlement was done. For a long time there was simply no let-up!
More recently with the business sold (December 2014), the marital settlement completed (May 2015), administrative functions associated with its closure completed (October 2015), over 700 archive boxes of records sorted or disposed (March 2016), and finally business premises sold (July 2016), it is finally the end of the last joint financial tie with my ex-husband. It has been as if this huge ten ton weight has finally lifted from my shoulders and a black veil lifted from my eyes.
Over the past few months, even though I have had more energy and enthusiasm, I have also been able to see other things … normal things … I now been able to see all these other things needing doing and I have been busy getting them all done.
Getting my own health and well-being in order.
Sorting through my mother’s affairs.
Sorting out family photos.
Visiting my siblings.
Going to visit my daughter six times in a year.
Baby-sitting my grand-children.
Changing things into my name that used to be joint names.
Sorting through my clothes.
Buying some new clothes.
Tidying out my cupboards.
Sorting out the shed.
Having my hair done.
Burning stuff off.
More baby-sitting of grand-children.
Helping my daughter move.
Storing stuff in a storage shed.
More baby-sitting of grand-children.
Helping my daughter set up a new flat.
Attending my daughter’s graduation for her Master’s degree.
(With my siblings) giving a talk to a local historical society about my parents.
I have been SO busy!!!
In that period, sometimes when the phone rang or I heard the ping of an email coming through I would have a mini PTSD reaction and think to myself … ‘what now’. But then when it ended up to be some trivial thing or someone contacting me about normal things, I have gradually realized that life isn’t always one crisis after another. I remind myself that those distressing days are finally over and there is no need to be fearful anymore.
So that is what I have been doing the past six months.
Keeping very busy, in a happy sort of way.
Your busyness seema to be filled with a lot of love. That’s where I would organize my life around ….
Lovely post Elisabeth 💛 You’ve come a long way!
Yes Val, I agree with you, that it is all about love. And that is what and where I am planning to go. Thanks for your encouragement that you think I have come a long way … it has taken some time! 🙂
Time becomes nothing in the big picture. The fact that you have made those changes and shifts is admirable Elisabeth❣
Wow. Good for you. I’m planning on doing almost all the things you wrote about, especially tending to my health. It’s about time we take care of ourselves after so many years of taking care of others and neglecting ourselves in the process.
I was horrified when I saw the photos of myself at my son’s wedding. It was a trigger point for me. From that point I lost weight, and it was the action of doing that one thing for myself that made me begin to feel good about myself. Happy to report that 18 months later I am still doing great and am feeling good.
Hope you find some time every now and then, just to be, Elizabeth. ❤
That time just ‘to be’ is hard to find but very pleasurable when it surfaces.
Thanks for your support 🙂
Love the resolve in your words. Right on, Elizabeth. 😘
Thanks for stopping by and for your encouragement.
Glad to hear you feel good Elizabeth, and feeling less stressed and anxious about life. I agree with Diana, “Just Be” as much as you are busy, a lovely balance. 🙂
thanks for your encouragement
Great post Elizabeth. Wishing you well for all the good things ahead 🙂
thank you so much
Well done, Elizabeth, well done. Your busyness seems very well-balanced to me – personal care, organisational order, and time with friends and family. This all feels like a very healthy moving-on to me. Go girl!
Lots to do and many decisions but all going forward to my new life and that is a great feeling. Thanks for keeping in touch.
Love this and I love your blog! Your writing is so honest. I’m exactly the same, I often associate contact with a crisis.
Hello, thanks for stopping by. It is hard sometimes to separate thoughts in my head from what is really happening in my life on this day … which is nothing to be fearful of.
You have been through an emotional roller coaster, that is certain. I’m glad to hear you have taken care of all the things you had on your plate for so long. And though you have most of it behind you, you will find everything has prepared you and shaped you into the strong person you are today. ❤
Thanks for the friendship and support. I really appreciate it.
I see your list and I feel the most friendly kind of envy. While I have check a lot off of my list, it continues to grow. I work a lot of hours–and that tends to put a damper on my enthusiasm for slogging through in the remaining few. But, you give me hope. I tick off a bit at a time and I will get there–just as you did! Am so happy to have been able to be a witness to your progress:).
Thanks for your support … it seemed to take me forever to get where I am.
I know the feeling!