Is Happiness or Contentment my aim?

My last post was about the difference between short-term excitement (fun), sustained pleasurable moments (joy), and an inner feeling of well-being (happiness).

Following on from that, and from comments by readers, I thought I would take a closer look at the inner feeling of well-being I was trying to achieve.

Happiness  is a mental and emotional state of well-being characterized by positive emotions and living a flourishing life. To be truly happy all needs are met including comforts, pleasures, engagement, relationships, high self-esteem, meaningful activities and accomplishments.

Contentment, on the other hand, means being satisfied with what you have. If your income does not afford a comfortable lifestyle, you accommodate to a modest one. If you are overweight / getting older or whatever else you feel may be a shortcoming, you are grateful for your good health. If you cannot climb mountains, you are satisfied with walking along the beach. If a relationship fractures, you are grateful for those loved ones you still have. If your family lives away and you cannot see them as much as if they were nearby, you are pleased you can communicate by other means. If you live alone, you embrace aloneness for its opportunities. If you have not quite reached what you believe is your potential, you are satisfied with how far you have come. Rather than needing exciting activities to make you feel alive, you are contented with simply enjoying each day, for its moments of joy, and for the pleasures you can make from it.

Looking back at the definitions above. Happiness requires all my needs to be met. Contentment requires me to be satisfied with what I have at this point in time.

Are all my needs being met? Probably Not.

Am I satisfied with what I have? Absolutely.

I believe that contentment, rather than happiness, is the ultimate for achieving inner peace and a long-term feeling of well-being.

Does being contented, and therefore being satisfied with what you have, mean not striving for a better life? Not at all. Being contented is being happy with how far you have come and accepting who you are. Part of that acceptance for me is being satisfied that I will always be making goals, I will always be looking to the future, I will always be aiming higher, I will always be striving forward. That is part of who I am. I am satisfied and content with that.

If the difference between fun and joy can be thought of as the difference between laughing and smiling; then I believe the difference between being happy and being contented is the difference between reaching the stars, and being satisfied in the journey to the stars. For the first (happiness), it means I would not feel the emotion until I got there. For the second (contentment), it means I can have inner peace from the very start and would have already reached my destination.

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Fun – Joy – Happiness

Recently someone commented to me that after I moved past this separation transition phase onto my new life, I could begin to have fun. The comment threw me. I thought I was already having moments of fun. Besides, my ultimate aim in life is for happiness aided by moments of joy.

What is the difference?

‘Fun‘ means a short-term activity, especially a leisure activity, that brings on feelings of excitement, merriment and laughter.

‘Joy‘ is an intense feeling of great delight or a relaxed feeling of pleasure.

‘Happiness‘ is a state of mind, an inner feeling of contentment and well-being.

The question is, while I had been filling my days with things that gave me joy and pleasure, was I having fun? More importantly, was including ‘fun’ necessary for my ultimate ‘happiness’.

There are different types of activities that provide pleasure: exciting activities (parties, dancing, exhilarating sports); relaxation (reading, nature, watching movies); socialising (family, friend, coffee with workmates); experiential (travelling, going to a show); and growth activities (learning a musical instrument, finishing a project, helping someone).

I believe if you are happy then any of the above pleasurable activities can add to your happiness. Furthermore, distractions from adversities by engaging in such activities can also be important, even healing. On the other hand, if your inner soul is not at peace, then pleasurable short-term activities provide a distraction but they do not ultimately lead to happiness. In fact constantly engaging in distracting fun activities can sometimes impinge on lifetime happiness. Here are some examples:

Eating ice-cream or cake is fun. Over-eating can lead to overweight, lower self-esteem and block ultimate happiness. Shopping is fun. Shopping to excess or getting too far into debt can lead to financial difficulties and put you under distress. Parties uplift the spirits. Drinking to excess can lead to relationship problems. Holidays are pleasurable. Excess travel can lead to being discontent with your normality. Watching TV is relaxing. Engaging in aimless activities to excess prevents you from seeking more meaningful activities.

To experience pleasure from growth activities, which can be the ultimate source of personal fulfillment, initially may mean sacrificing short-term pleasure for sustained happiness. For example: giving up mindless relaxation in order to practice a musical instrument ultimately leads to greater happiness when you become an accomplished musician. Becoming more educated means putting in years of study in lieu of other pastimes. Living frugally, budgeting wisely and investing soundly leads to eventual financial independence and the ultimate freedom to enjoy ‘fun’ activities without guilt.

Probably the initial comment at the start of this post was that, by some definitions of ‘fun’, I was missing out on some activities – those short-term bursts of excitement .

My thoughts are, rather than me missing out on or avoiding those activities, there is the fact  that I am now making my own choices entirely by what is right for me. I am engaging in activities more suited to my introvert personality and my need for stability. I prefer planned rather than spontaneous events. I enjoy relaxation over engaging in frenetic pastimes. I choose not to sacrifice long-term financial security for buying meaningless objects or attending shallow events. I love interacting with people one-on-one or in small groups rather than in large crowds. I get pleasure out of completing projects with a long-term sense of accomplishment rather than doing activities that yield a short-term buzz of excitement. Whilst I do savour short-term pleasurable moments, I steer towards simple moments of ‘joy‘ – those intense feelings of pleasure – watching the sunrise, seeing my grandchildren play and learn, engaging with my loved ones, and finishing my self-assigned projects to the best of my ability. These moments endure and can be looked back at with gladness. In that respect they are longer-lasting and therefore, I believe, ultimate contributors to my overall happiness.

To be truly happy means knowing myself and living by my own inner compass. My definition of happiness is up to me. Becoming happy by my definition is also up to me.

I believe I am already on my way to happiness. Living my own true self towards self-fulfillment, towards my highest self, can only add to my long-term happiness.

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

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