Sorry younger generation, we stuffed up!

Sorry everyone, we stuffed up.

We the baby boomers.

Our parents came out of surviving the depression and World War 2 determined to make the world a better place, and determined that their children (us) would know a safer era than them. And they did (make the world a better place). And we did (enjoy a safer better childhood than they ever knew). They focussed on home, community, and inclusiveness and we all grew up feeling safe and secure. We inherited a much better world in our twenties than they did … because of them.

In turn, our generation fought for women’s liberation, pacifism, civil rights for all, and sustainability. We did make some progress there.

However, it seems the world is now turning against law, order, the ‘establishment’, democracy, tolerance and common sense. Europe and America are catastrophically divided down the middle. Australia now has ‘border control’ rather than ‘immigration’. WHAT is happening?

Our parents crawled out of the pits of the depression and World War 2 and tried to make things better in the 1950s and 1960s. But rather than carry on the legacy of our parents, and indeed the things we as a generation fought for in our twenties, we baby boomers took to thinking that it was all about us and economic prosperity and we have blown that safe secure world of our childhood, that our parents and grandparents left for us.

Now suddenly it is all going backwards to the dark ages. And unfortunately it has been OUR generation in leadership that has overseen this worrying trend.

Sorry younger generation, we stuffed up.

So there is the temptation to HIDE, try and normalize the abnormal, and hope that the younger generation will one day fix up all this mess …

I can’t.

I have three grand-children. I cannot have them look me in the eye and ask me in twenty years time … “how could you have let this happen?”. In my own little patch, I just have to keep fighting for what I believe is right.

I must carry on. I cannot let what is happening in the world of politics stop me doing my own little bit to try and make the world a better place. As an individual, all that I think is right and good (inclusiveness in society, caring for people less fortunate, saving the planet, and pacifism) is STILL right and is STILL good. I must carry-on believing in all that and spreading that word far and wide, so that will be the world my grand-children will know.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men – and women – (my addition) do nothing” Edmund Burke

There is much truth in that.

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Image courtesy[nuchylee]/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ithaca

Ithaca

As you set out for Ithaca
hope that your journey is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.

Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
angry Poseidon – do not be afraid of them:
you’ll never find things like that on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare sensation
touches your spirit and your body.

Laistrygonians and Cyclops,
wild Poseidon – you won’t encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope that your journey is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you come into harbors seen for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind –
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and learn again from those who know.

Keep Ithaca always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you’re destined for.
But do not hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so that you’re old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaca to make you rich.

Ithaca gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you would not have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.

And if you find her poor, Ithaca won’t have fooled you.
Wise as you will have become, so full of experience,
you will have understood by then what these Ithacas mean.

Music composed, arranged, produced and performed by Vangelis
Poem recited by Sean Connery
Poem by C.P. Cavafy (1863-1933) written in 1911.

Is Happiness or Contentment my aim?

My last post was about the difference between short-term excitement (fun), sustained pleasurable moments (joy), and an inner feeling of well-being (happiness).

Following on from that, and from comments by readers, I thought I would take a closer look at the inner feeling of well-being I was trying to achieve.

Happiness  is a mental and emotional state of well-being characterized by positive emotions and living a flourishing life. To be truly happy all needs are met including comforts, pleasures, engagement, relationships, high self-esteem, meaningful activities and accomplishments.

Contentment, on the other hand, means being satisfied with what you have. If your income does not afford a comfortable lifestyle, you accommodate to a modest one. If you are overweight / getting older or whatever else you feel may be a shortcoming, you are grateful for your good health. If you cannot climb mountains, you are satisfied with walking along the beach. If a relationship fractures, you are grateful for those loved ones you still have. If your family lives away and you cannot see them as much as if they were nearby, you are pleased you can communicate by other means. If you live alone, you embrace aloneness for its opportunities. If you have not quite reached what you believe is your potential, you are satisfied with how far you have come. Rather than needing exciting activities to make you feel alive, you are contented with simply enjoying each day, for its moments of joy, and for the pleasures you can make from it.

Looking back at the definitions above. Happiness requires all my needs to be met. Contentment requires me to be satisfied with what I have at this point in time.

Are all my needs being met? Probably Not.

Am I satisfied with what I have? Absolutely.

I believe that contentment, rather than happiness, is the ultimate for achieving inner peace and a long-term feeling of well-being.

Does being contented, and therefore being satisfied with what you have, mean not striving for a better life? Not at all. Being contented is being happy with how far you have come and accepting who you are. Part of that acceptance for me is being satisfied that I will always be making goals, I will always be looking to the future, I will always be aiming higher, I will always be striving forward. That is part of who I am. I am satisfied and content with that.

If the difference between fun and joy can be thought of as the difference between laughing and smiling; then I believe the difference between being happy and being contented is the difference between reaching the stars, and being satisfied in the journey to the stars. For the first (happiness), it means I would not feel the emotion until I got there. For the second (contentment), it means I can have inner peace from the very start and would have already reached my destination.

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Image courtesy[Africa]:FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My beliefs # 1 Peace

Peace

“A state of harmony characterized by lack of conflict and freedom from fear”

“Freedom from disturbance”

“Quiet and tranquility”

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In reflecting on who I am and what I have always believed in ‘Peace’ is one of the first words that springs to my mind. I have always been a believer in peaceful resolutions of global conflicts. I believed in and indeed have contributed to peaceful solutions to national, community and workplace disagreements. I believed in conflict-free relationships. I believed in striving for my own inner peace.

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Then along came the dreaded ‘D’ pelting me with its intense hurricane force destroying everything in its wake and leaving my previous life in tatters including my former beliefs and attitudes. The beliefs I strongly held for world peace, social justice and community harmony have been shoved aside for someone else to manage. It is enough that I survive  my own personal storm. The storm of the harsh reality of my former life partner being on the other side of dividing lines. A physical dividing line. An emotional dividing line. A financial dividing line by the required splitting of our assets. Always now a dividing line.

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For me there is still intense pain whenever I cast my thoughts to any of these divisions now between us. Here I am a believer in conflict-free relationships, a strong believer in harmony, and of tranquility. Yet, in regard to the one relationship I had formerly considered as the most sacred, I wondered whether there would ever come a time when there could be peace between us again.

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A few weeks ago I read this fantastic poem titled “Peace In The Uncommon Ground”. I think this is a brilliant poem and I have copied it below. The poem describes firstly finding peace within yourself and then for that sereneness to transmit to the other person allowing them to find their own inner peace and then peace between each other happens by finding common ground. Brilliant!

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After reading this poem, I realised that there were internal conflicts I struggled with. Should I have some contact with my husband for the children’s sake, or not see him for the sake of my own peace of mind? Should I stay in our former home with its now bittersweet memories, or go through the hassle of moving? Should I get stuck in and finish some work that needs doing or shall I sit back and enjoy the sunshine? Should I remain the resilient stable dependable one or break away and fly off on some exotic adventure?

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I had always been a contented person yet now I was battling with an inner turmoil that never existed before. I had lost my inner peace.

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I have taken steps over the past 12 months of finding peace. I enjoy living in today. I have embraced solitude. I have let go of the illusion of the happy-ever-after. I have forgiven the betrayal and the abandonment..Whilst all these actions are helpful, to some extent it is a self-protecting method of escapism – a means of avoiding reality. The reality of the full ramifications of the end of our marriage. The reality of the tortuous divorce process. The reality of starting out again – by myself. I had been attempting to place peace on top of chaos.

.In order to find peace with others in my life, I have to first find my own inner peace. In order to find inner peace, I have to first rid myself of the chaos, disorder and confusion that has found a home within me. To rid myself of the confusion, I need to untangle my competing beliefs and discard those aspects of my life that are no longer important to me. This will become the next part of my journey, the path to inner peace.

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Peace In The Uncommon Ground
Louise Gallagher
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In the uncommon ground between us
I must first make peace
with where I stand
to make room
for you to be
at peace
with where ever you are

In finding peace
with where we’re at
the path
to the common ground
appears
for peace to grow
between us.